Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Divine intervention?

I don’t know what compelled me to check the electoral register a few months ago. A hunch? A feeling? Divine intervention? Yes you can now consider me a total fruitcake but I believe in life after death, Karma, whatever you wish to call it.
But it was there I discovered my husbands ex wife had sold her house and intended moving without notifying my husband at all.
Suddenly everything fell into place. Having to drop Christmas presents and Easter gifts for his daughter in the car park of a local pub was not, as his ex wife suggested, to save his daughter more upset. It was to stop him going to her home and seeing the ‘For sale’ sign erected in her front garden.

I have my experiences, things that cannot be explained. Seeing ‘things’ that I know are not there. For example. I lost my dog. I don’t mean I couldn’t find her she died. I was devastated; she was my one true friend. At the same time I had a cat, a black and white moggy called Chester. He hated my dog and would corner her, back arched, fur fluffed out, hissing at a pathetic cowering dog twice his size. She was a total wimp but I loved her. Several months after my loss, I thought I was getting over her. While talking on the telephone one afternoon, Chester was going absolutely berserk in the kitchen. He was hissing, fur fluffed up, back arched. And then I saw it, a mid sized black dog standing inside looking out through my patio doors. Of course I questioned how a dog had managed to get into my home. The doors were shut; there was no way it could have come in. So I finished my conversation and as I turned to replace the receiver and head to the door, the dog had vanished. I searched the whole house for the dog but nothing. Had Chester not acted in the strange way, I really thought I had imagined it. I know I didn’t.

I remember the meeting with Maureen like it happened yesterday just before my first marriage ended. On driving to her home images of Romany women with rugged hands laden with gold rings and bangles distracted my concentration. I was surprised to encounter a modest semi-detached house with heavy lace curtains at the windows. Even more of a surprise was to be greeted by the woman herself. The smartly dressed middle-aged woman greeted me with a wide smile. She had a round, friendly face and even friendlier eyes, quite a normal looking woman with a tangled mop of brown hair. I suppose I expected her to have a scarf tied around her head gazing into a crystal ball or something; typical image of a clairvoyant. She offered a cup of tea and a biscuit but I declined. The aroma of orange and lavender filled the room and a small water fountain bubbling on the table, seemed odd but added a tranquil mood to the room. Evidently water is a good spiritual conductor, so if you need to have a good natter with the dearly departed, have a soak in the bath.

I remember the conversation well as I sat to the side of her in her back room.
‘Okay, let’s see what we’ve got shall us?’ she said.
I remember watching Maureen curiously as she placed some bright coloured cards randomly in front of her on the table.
‘There’s been a death dear, not a physical one, an emotional one. Are you divorced?’ I was startled by the question and immediately felt for the gold band still firmly on my left hand.
‘Ah, but the marriage is over yes? It’s dead.’

‘Yes I suppose you could say that.’ I replied.
‘ Well you have a decision to make m’dear,’ continued Maureen, ‘Leave him and be free, or remain caged for the rest of your life.’
I remember feeling an immense sadness and must have looked sad to Maureen as she suddenly grabbed my hand.

‘ This card here,’ and she tapped it lightly with her finger. ‘You see the sword? When this card appears it represents not just physical strength but the ability to cope and win through in the end. The Strength card signifies triumph over most things; challenges you may face, even defending yourself against jealousy, ignorance and domination. It warns of missed opportunities and not to give up. You have the strength, you must use it.’

She told me of a special little girl who I assumed would be my stepdaughter but she told me it was my own child. At that time there was no way I was having any more children but as it is now, I have my young daughter who was 2 in March. She mentioned a church but not a wedding, and the name Mary. I happen to live opposite a church quite bizarrely called St Mary’s.

There were many things she told me the weirdest was she saw something published. Perhaps it is this Blog and my need to share it with everyone.
One last thing, she asked me who Richard was. At the time I could not think, but one day it came to me. I used to call my husband my Richard Gere. Not that he looks anything like him but they share the same grey hair and distinguishing qualities Gere depicted in Pretty Woman. Not the corporate raider but the romantic character that hung out of a sunroof brandishing his umbrella like a sword shouting ‘Princess Vivienne.’ Like Richard Gere rescued Julia Roberts, my husband rescued me too, except my white limousine, was a long based transit van!


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hello, I have stumbled across some of your postings whilst looking at how to deal with step children.

I have no issues whatsoever with my partners beautiful daughter, in fact, his relationship with her mother is not an issue.

However, having not had any of my own children, I do worry that I will not cope emotionally when we do decide to have a child between us, I fear more for the effect upon my partners daughter. Perhaps I worry to much, however, I am from a 'functional' family, and I worry that his daughter will suffer due to not only being part of a step family, but as the childs mother does not have strong family ties with her parents.

I also worry that I will want to experience everything first hand with my partner and our child, however, I do not want to resent my partners daughter when our child arrives - as I have mentioned, his daughter is a beautiful and charming little girl.

mum23 said...

I think the first thing is you have a good relationship with your stepdaughter and don't have any issues from her mum.

However, one cannot be in control of anothers feelings and when you and your partner have children it may become an issue for the mum. Again it may not, so it may not be in the interest for me to assume.

The most important thing, I feel, is to keep the child in the loop. ie; if your stepdaughter has no immediate family when she is with her mum, and then has alot of family when with you, perhaps keeping her involved and such may help any situation.

Personally I feel it is down to communication and how you talk to a child. In my situation my stepdaughters mum never told her anything so I can understand how she may or may not blame me for her parents not being together.

As far as having your own child, I think it is natural to want to bond as an immediate family and I don't think you have to feel guilty for this. Stepfamily life sucks at times, too many emotions to consider, but I don't think you can put your life on hold for fear of upsetting anyone. You have to do what you feel is right for you and the new baby will be in the fortunate position of having both parents together. Thats not the babys fault either.
Take care x

Anonymous said...

Thank you for you comments, it has helped to read your info. Best wishes. x